I had a bit of a breakdown.
I will never deny that I made mistakes. But largely, I was let go because I was an easy target. I was quiet, somewhat shy, and I kept to myself. Why? In the area I live in, there is very little to do besides go out and drink, particularly if you have a job where you will be expected to work overtime at the drop of a hat. I don't have any major issue with drinking in moderation but you do not go to a bar to drink in moderation or meet people who do. Therefore, I keep to myself, and let the drinkers have their fun.
But being the loner means you're an easier target than someone with a lot of friends.
I try to be a good daughter, and I have kept my parents up-to-date as to what is going on. Understandably, my parents are quite concerned about the lack of unemployment. My mother is insisting that, when I come down to visit this weekend (it is Easter, after all), she and I will have a heart-to-heart. She feels that there are a great many things in my life that need to change, and if they do not, I may no longer have a relationship with my family.
Unfortunately, while I admit that I have faults, I don't believe that I can be the woman my mother wants me to be. So now, I'm afraid my choices may come down to following the path I believe the Lord to be sending me down and possibly losing my family, or trying to conform to what my mother expects, and losing all ability to be myself.
It's a rough choice. It's an impossible choice. But it's something that, deep down, has been several years in the making. If I'm going to move forward, I'm going to have to step away from my family. And if doing that means I have to break ties for a time, then I will pray hard but I will do it.
I spent a lot of time discussing it with Mrs. Pastor. For the first time in my life, I learned that you can be a respectful daughter who honors your parents, and yet still disagree with them and strike off your own direction, heedless of their advice. It... Is freeing. But the concept is no less terrifying. I have lived on my own for several years now, so it is not that my parents have any financial responsibility for me, but simply that they are family.
It is not a decision to be made lightly.
I went to my Small Group tonight, as well. Pastor knows one of the higher-ups in my old company, and offered to talk with him in an attempt to get my job back. I declined. Even if the job had been something I had truly loved, I could never work for the man who fired me. I was also able to talk with someone who has also been through the unemployment process. He suggested finding a lawyer who would only take money from me if I won. I'm thinking about this.
Finally, should something happen over Easter Weekend, I have an alternative. Two, actually. If I have to leave Saturday, I will go to Mr. and Mrs. Missionary's house after Easter service on Sunday. If I have to leave Sunday, I will go to another person's house, as the hostess does not mind unexpected guests.
It is not what I would wish. But it is the reality.
I will never deny that I made mistakes. But largely, I was let go because I was an easy target. I was quiet, somewhat shy, and I kept to myself. Why? In the area I live in, there is very little to do besides go out and drink, particularly if you have a job where you will be expected to work overtime at the drop of a hat. I don't have any major issue with drinking in moderation but you do not go to a bar to drink in moderation or meet people who do. Therefore, I keep to myself, and let the drinkers have their fun.
But being the loner means you're an easier target than someone with a lot of friends.
I try to be a good daughter, and I have kept my parents up-to-date as to what is going on. Understandably, my parents are quite concerned about the lack of unemployment. My mother is insisting that, when I come down to visit this weekend (it is Easter, after all), she and I will have a heart-to-heart. She feels that there are a great many things in my life that need to change, and if they do not, I may no longer have a relationship with my family.
Unfortunately, while I admit that I have faults, I don't believe that I can be the woman my mother wants me to be. So now, I'm afraid my choices may come down to following the path I believe the Lord to be sending me down and possibly losing my family, or trying to conform to what my mother expects, and losing all ability to be myself.
It's a rough choice. It's an impossible choice. But it's something that, deep down, has been several years in the making. If I'm going to move forward, I'm going to have to step away from my family. And if doing that means I have to break ties for a time, then I will pray hard but I will do it.
I spent a lot of time discussing it with Mrs. Pastor. For the first time in my life, I learned that you can be a respectful daughter who honors your parents, and yet still disagree with them and strike off your own direction, heedless of their advice. It... Is freeing. But the concept is no less terrifying. I have lived on my own for several years now, so it is not that my parents have any financial responsibility for me, but simply that they are family.
It is not a decision to be made lightly.
I went to my Small Group tonight, as well. Pastor knows one of the higher-ups in my old company, and offered to talk with him in an attempt to get my job back. I declined. Even if the job had been something I had truly loved, I could never work for the man who fired me. I was also able to talk with someone who has also been through the unemployment process. He suggested finding a lawyer who would only take money from me if I won. I'm thinking about this.
Finally, should something happen over Easter Weekend, I have an alternative. Two, actually. If I have to leave Saturday, I will go to Mr. and Mrs. Missionary's house after Easter service on Sunday. If I have to leave Sunday, I will go to another person's house, as the hostess does not mind unexpected guests.
It is not what I would wish. But it is the reality.
"Now when Daniel learned that the decree had been published, he went home to his upstairs room where the windows opened toward Jerusalem. Three times a day he got down on his knees and prayed, giving thanks to his God, just as he had done before." Daniel 6:10
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