Dear Lord: Sometimes we forget

It's nearly Easter.

For Christians, this is one of the major, vitally important holidays. It's something that we forget in the hustle and bustle of our lives, and we shouldn't.

I went to see an Easter play tonight. It was amazing. It was inspiring. And when the call for new believers came at the end, I think a hundred people went to the front. Praise God!

"For God so loved the world He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him might not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16

Dear Lord: Unemployment involves so much

For the record, unemployment is complicated.

Most of us don't consider unemployment until we need it. Unemployment compensation carries with it a certain level of shame in America. Of course you'll be out there working. That's the American dream, after all, to be out in the world working and earning money for yourself. Of course, it isn't that easy right now.

So, in case anyone needs to know, I'll sketch out some basic details about how Unemployment Compensation works in the state I live in. I'm sure it varies from state to state, but hopefully it will give people a good starting point.

Every state is going to have a website. I had to Google for mine. It falls under my state's Labor and Industry Department, though that might not be true of every state. Within that website will be something about unemployment. From there, it's just a matter of red tape. Basically, you file a claim. It has to get through a lot of people. I know that for my state, if I'd been laid off, I'd have been able to skip a step. Since I was officially fired, I had to fill out a paper that acknowledged that I knew the reasons my employer had given for firing me, and then giving my side of the story.

From there, it's up in the air. The department has to go through their evidence and documents from both me and my employer and decide what to do. Assuming I qualify, I have to file every other week for unemployment, and make sure that I document every extra bit of income that comes in.

I don't have to put in a certain amount of applications every week to retain my unemployment. Which is good, because I can focus on getting quality jobs then. I get something like 80% of my regular income, and I can work a part-time job to make a certain extra percentage above that. If I make more though, it'll be taken out of my check. I only get a certain amount total, but I'm hoping to have a job long before that runs out.

It's a little more complicated than this, and there are certain requirements you have to meet before they'll even consider giving you unemployment. But as terrifying as it was at first to deal with this, I think it's almost more the fear of not knowing what you're getting into, than anything really worth fearing.

"The God of heaven will give us success. We His servants will start rebuilding." Nehemiah 2:20

Dear Lord: Regarding productivity...

Yesterday I was productive.

Today I was much less so. The rain didn't help. I don't drive in torrential rain or thunderstorms unless absolutely necessary. It's not that thunder scares me, but that I feel no need to risk injury in that kind of weather. Lightning isn't the only danger. Frankly, until I know I've got health insurance again, I'd prefer to avoid any negative circumstances.

I'm frustrated with my family. They're concerned, and I understand. I'm concerned. I'm worried sick, to be honest. But I visited them yesterday, and I was hoping that we could discuss something besides my dismal failure at finding a job. It's not that I don't understand their concerns. I do. I just... I need a break from the tension and the worry and the fear that surrounds me. Otherwise, I'll curl into a ball and sob.

I did my best to assuage my parents' fears, and tried to avoid them when it got to be too much. So today, I did some online things that needed doing. I'm amazed at how many jobs you can apply for online. I managed to find out what I needed to know for my local tax return.

I also talked to a couple of fellow Christians who are currently unemployed. What amazes me is how quickly things seem to have fallen into place for me. It's not been easy, and I don't have a job yet. But two weeks out, and I have a plan and a goal outside of "Hope a job comes up."

So thank you Lord, and give me patience to keep positive with my family.

"Praise the Lord. Sing to the Lord a new song, His praise in the assembly of the saints. Let Israel rejoice in their Maker; let the people of Zion be glad in their King. Let them praise His name with dancing and make music to Him with tambourine and harp. For the Lord takes delight in His people; He crowns the humble with salvation." Psalm 149:1-4

Dear Lord: I'm still here

Sometimes it's easy to forget that I'm not simply a sum of my accomplishments and failures.

I look around me, and I see things about me that bother me, that concern me, that confuse me. Issues with the way my mind works. Issues with my body. Issues with my self-confidence. And it's easy to listen to that voice that picks up all the things my boss said to me, and amplifies them.

This is the first time I've ever been fired. I work hard. Like a great many Americans, I have a good work ethic and I do my best to make sure I'm successful. And sometimes that's just not enough.

But that's okay, because I have a God that protects and guides me, even through the storm. I'm watching the news, and listening as they talk about how unemployment is rising again. And it's scary. But I can't worry about that, because if I do, I'll get overwhelmed by it all, and I'll end up having an anxiety attack. All I can do is trust that God will see me through it all.

Today I ran around the University campus, getting signatures and putting all my ducks in a row. There's no guarantee, but it looks like I'll be accepted into the University for the fall semester. This seems to be working out, and amazingly fast. Next step: Get financial aid.

"Do not say, 'Why were the old days better than these?' For it is not wise to ask such questions." Ecclesiastes 7:10

Dear Lord: Thank you.

Sometimes it's hard to remember everything He's done.

I don't say that lightly. But we've all been there. You look around you and all you can see is the negativity. Something a guest speaker at my church said a couple of weeks ago seems appropriate. He was talking about evangelism, and believing in the Lord even in the face of everything that comes up against us. And he made a point that I really could identify with.

We get confused, upset, and overwhelmed by our problems here on earth, because the only perspective we have is from right where we are. God, though, has the view from the throne. It's the difference between being a foot soldier, an archer, a cavalry soldier, and being the general. The general sees every skirmish, every battle from a strategic point of view. That's not to say he doesn't care about the casualties, but that he has a larger goal, and he's created tactics and strategies to reach that ultimate goal. But the foot soldiers, the men there on the field day in and day out, don't have that view. All they know is right there in front of them.

We're those soldiers. And we're surrounded by the strife and suffering, and it gets so overwhelming that all we want to do is collapse. I think sometimes as Christians we end up suffering from a sort of spiritual PSTD, where we begin to react to all non-Christians, and even those Christians we disagree with, in such a negative fashion that we isolate ourselves off from everyone. It's like we walk around in a fog of terror, not knowing who is right and who is wrong, and clinging to what little we know and understand because that's all we can do.

I know it's something I've done for a long time, in my own way.

A side effect of this, for me at least, has been that I can't see God unless He throws things in my face. It also means I tend to be that person who has a problem making a decision when I have it there in front of me. I want everything to be easy for me, and of course, that's not how it works.

Today I found out what it will take to go back to college. It's back to a four-year program, no matter how I look at it. It's frustrating, and discouraging. But things seem to be looking up, nonetheless. I should be able to get in for the fall semester. I might have an easy in on a job doing something I love. I still need to work on getting financial aid, and I can only pray that it will go well. And I'm wondering what it would take to get some other language training.

It's going to be a process. I didn't want a process. I wanted something to just... Work out. That was silly and irrational. But I'm learning.

"This is what the kingdom of God is like. A man scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. All by itself the soil produces grain--first the stalk, then the head, the the full kernel in the head. As soon as the grain is ripe, he puts the sickle to it, because the harvest has come." Mark 4:26-29